


Christmas Songs

by Qzeebrella



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-13
Updated: 2006-03-13
Packaged: 2018-08-16 05:10:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8088568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qzeebrella/pseuds/Qzeebrella
Summary: The crew of the Enterprise change some Christmas song lyrics to fit their situation. (01/08/2005)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Kylie Lee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Warp 5 Complex](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Warp_5_Complex), the software of which ceased to be maintained and created a security hazard. To make future maintenance and archive growth easier, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but I may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Warp 5 Complex collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Warp5Complex).

  
Author's notes: The explanation of how Hayes didn't really die is Weebob's in the brilliant story "My Son Malcolm." This story originally for the Slash Advent Calendar.  


* * *

"I really don't know why the captain is asking all of us to try to rework these songs for Enterprise's 'Season's Greetings'." Malcolm grumbles, "Hoshi is the communications officer after all, she should be the one who works on the songs. Rearranging lyrics should be easy for her."

"Aw, come on Mal," Trip pleaded, "it'll be fun. Besides, no matter how talented Hoshi is, she can not do everything."

"I think the captain sees it as a team building morale thing." Travis smiles and bounces over to the tree, hanging another ornament on it. "It could also be that Hoshi persuaded him not to stick it all on her shoulders last night."

"How'd she do that?" Malcolm asks.

Travis begins to sing: "I saw Hoshi kissing Captain Archer, underneath the mistletoe last night..."

"Hey!" Hoshi yelps as she and T'Pol enter the room, "I thought I asked you not to say anything about that."

"Maybe, but I never promised that I wouldn't tell." Travis grins as Hoshi charges him. She knocks him to the ground and they start wrestling.

"It seems we got here just in time." Jonathan tells Major Hayes as they enter the room. "You can break up the fight."

"Sir, with all due respect Hoshi fights dirty and I would rather face a Xindi reptile than try to break up her fight with Travis." Hayes smiles and watches Hoshi and Travis.

"You have a good point there. Corporal Cole, McKenzie, either of you willing to stop the fight?" The captain asks.

"No sir, let them have it out." Amanda advices and helps Matt sit. Knowing he's still recovering from the injury he received rescuing Hoshi. Very glad the major wasn't killed, even though they did think for awhile that he was dead.

"Captain, I understand Hoshi was able to persuade you into not burdening her with the full responsibility of rewording the songs." Malcolm says. "That she did so by kissing you under the mistletoe."

"Well, I did agree with her when she said it wasn't fair to make her do all the work on adapting the songs for us." Jon admits, "Her kiss did help me to see her point."

"I would like to be excused from this group effort Captain, if necessary I will kiss you under the mistletoe in order to be excused." Malcolm says.

"It would take a lot more than a kiss for you to get out of this Malcolm." Jon says.

"Just what would you want Malcolm to do Jonny?" Trip smirks, backing away from Malcolm.

"Um, I didn't mean that the way it sounded." Jon blushes, "now come on everyone and start on the songs."

Everyone settles into place, T'Pol and Malcolm the only ones not smiling and laughing as they work on the songs. Trip and Travis settling on adapting Frosty the Snowman.

"How about, Snoval the Snowman for the snowman Malcolm and I built on the comet?" Travis suggests.

"Sounds good," Trip smiles, "Snoval the snowman, was an icy smiling soul, with a cylidrical nose and two pointy ears, and a smile carved with a phase pistol."

"I think it would work better if we did it to the tune Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. As that doesn't work for me." Travis says.

Trip grins, "Snoval the pointy eared snowman, had two ears that were pointy, and if you ever saw him, you would even say they were quointy."

"Quointy?" Jon snickers, "is quointy even a word?"

"It is on Denobula," Phlox says as he enters the room, "it means phallic shaped."

"Trip!" Hoshi exclaims.

"What? Is it my fault I, I mean Sim only learned naughty Denobulan words?" Trip protests.

Hoshi looks at Phlox, who looks at Trip. "I'm glad you remember some of Sim's memories." The doctor smiles fondly at Trip.

"I remember them all Doc, you're like family to me now. Come join us, I'd like to spend time with my other dad." Trip pats the floor next to him and Phlox goes to sit.

"Any other suggestions for a Snoval song?" Jon attempts to get things back on track.

"How about: Snoval the pointy eared snowman, had ears that were pointed, if you ever saw him you would realize he was double jointed." McKenzie sings in a beautiful alto voice. "All of the other snowmen used to flirt and call his name, always wanting poor Snoval, to be the sub in all their bondage games."

"That's enough Mac," Major Hayes smiles at her, "Snowmen can't be double jointed as they don't have any joints." He says seriously.

"Shame that, it's wonderful to be double jointed." Malcolm says, stretching out and showing just how flexible he is. Smiling as he sees the way everyone eyes him as he gets into a sensuous pose that shows off his physique. T'Pol raising an eyebrow at the display, Phlox fascinated by how both the women and the men are eying the armory officer and wondering just who the lieutenant will end up with.

Porthos bounds into the room barking and runs to Jon, licking him and everyone chuckles. Everyone watching dog and master now. "Hello boy, how are you?" He greets him.

"I do not think Snoval the snowman song is working." Cole says, "Maybe we should work on something else."

"Malcolm, you haven't suggested anything yet, you give it a try." Captain Archer not quite orders, wanting the lieutenant to pay a bit for the display he put on earlier.

The armory officer smiles, "How about: Dashing through the stars, in a warp one shuttle pod, O'er the comets we go, Laughing all the way, Sensors blink and chime, Making spirits bright, What fun it is to fly and climb, In a shuttle pod tonight. Oh Shuttle pod, Shuttle pod, shuttle all the way, Oh what fun it is to fly, In a warp one shuttle pod, Oh shuttle pod, Shuttle pod, shuttle all the way, Oh what fun it is to fly, In a warp one shuttle pod!"

Everyone looks at him, "You know, that actually works." Trip says, "except you and I didn't think riding in a shuttle pod was fun when we nearly froze to death in one."

"It was fun until then though, the things you and I did together." Malcolm smirks and looks Trip up and down.

Trip blushes, "we didn't do nothing." He protests and sees all the 'sure you didn't faces'. He groans inwardly at the realization that no one will ever believe he and Mal didn't have "fun" before the singularity damaged the pod.

"I liked the tune Corporal Mckenzie was singing earlier." Phlox says, "would you try to adapt that for Enterprise, Lieutenant?"

"Yeah, please?" Hoshi bats her eyes at him.

"Only if you kiss me under the mistletoe." Malcolm says, getting under the mistletoe. Hoshi going to him and giving him a slow kiss. He lets her go and jumps slightly when Phlox kisses him, the doctor holding him in place. "Doctor?"

Phlox shrugs, "Since I was one of the ones who asked I thought I should kiss you too. I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all doctor," Malcolm goes and sits down again. "I'll need a moment to think of an appropriate song for the Rudolph tune." Smiling as Porthos comes to him for pets, lavishing attention on the puppy. Ruffling the dog's ears with his fingers. "I think I have one."

He clears his throat and sings, "Porthos the wet nosed beagle, Has a very loving heart, If you ever saw him, You would even agree he's smart."

"But the sickbay creatures, Used to ignore him when he came, They never let poor Porthos, Join in any of the creature games."

"It was as if the creatures, Thought if he couldn't help people heal, That he wasn't any good, They never saw how he made people feel."

"Then one hectic morning, Porthos went to sickbay, giving comfort where he could, making all the patients feel good."

"Then the creatures asked, "who's life have you saved?, It is only then you can join us, Only then will we see you as brave."

"They watched as the pup did sniff, Wondering what he was up to, Never expecting what happened, Wondering just how the dog knew."

"Porthos went to the morgue, Sniffing all the way, Barking and yelping as he got there, No one could make him stray."

"Phlox opened the door the pup was at, To show him there was nothing to do, Revealing Major Hayes breathing, And the doctor informed the crew."

"Then all the crew went to sickbay, As they shouted out with glee, Porthos the wet nosed beagle, You'll go down in history."

"All the creatures saw the sight, Calling out Porthos name, You saved a man's life, Join us anytime for a game."

"The pup did dance with joy, The MACO's all gave Matt a hug and kiss, The crew did celebrate and sing, For Matt we all did miss."

"Now we're all together, Glad to whatever powers above, For Porthos the wet nosed beagle, And for all those that we love."

Malcolm stops his song, smiles and nods to Matt, Cole wrapped around him. Malcolm pets the beagle and looks around at his friends. His eyes seeing the love in Jon's eyes and so very glad it's him. Jon stands and comes to him and Porthos bringing mistletoe with him. Jon kisses him slowly, gently, helps him stand. "Let's go Malcolm, as I said before I want to do more than just kiss you under the mistletoe."

Malcolm stood and went with Jon, ignoring the others who started singing again. "I saw Malcolm kissing Captain Archer underneath the mistletoe last night."


End file.
